Totalie sits at a table watching his tea steep at a cafe table conveniently located in a cafe. He has a crossword puzzle in his lap, as well as some bagel crumbs. Trulie enters the cafe and makes a bee line for Totalie's table. She then walks over and lays the line of paper cut bees out onto the table. "I made a bee line for your table." she said, really making sure no one missed the pun. Totalie mumbled something about cafe tables being too small for decorations as Trulie stole a chair from another table, and dragged it loudly over to sit with Totalie.
Totalie goes back to his tea and Trulie sits staring at him in silence for what seemed like three seconds. She breaks the silence. "So how's your day going?" Totalie responds without looking away from his now-over-steeped mug of tea. "Well! It's going well. Except this crossword puzzle is giving me a hard time." He picks up the crossword puzzle dumping a dusting of bagel crumbs onto the floor. Trulie takes it from him. "Dude, why are you staring at your tea?" She picks up the pen and starts writing her answers into the crossword puzzle.
"No reason." Totalie says and decides it is now a good time to look up at Trulie. He frowns because he knows she's just writing words that fit into the puzzle and not the actual answers. Trulie finishes and puts the crossword puzzle and pen down. "I don't believe you." She says. Totalie's eyes shift left to right. "What...what do you mean?" he asks with an awkward laugh. Trulie sighs. "This is an odd situation. You sent your resume to The Trulie Awesome Show for a position that isn't even open!"
Totalie relaxes a little now that the conversation has started. He never did well with conversation starters. "You're upset because I sent my resume to the person who currently holds the position I want, right?" He chuckles and picks up his tea.
Trulie leans forward, "Tell me Totalie, what makes you think you are qualified for my position at The Trulie Awesome Show?" She leans back knowing he is not qualified, mainly because, his name is not Trulie.
Totalie sips his tea and immediately gets up and puts the mug in the "Return Plates and Mugs" here bin. He comes back to his seat. Trulie has turned the crossword puzzle into a boat, and is twirling it around on her finger. Totalie starts the interview. "Well since you're going right into the interview, thank you by the way for having me here to interview, it's a great opportunity and I appreciate your time, okay let's start with my hair."
Trulie places the boat onto one of the green points he calls hair. "Your hair is cooler than mine. I agree" Trulie sits back and starts to think about a dance number involving boat hair. Totalie continues with his very practiced interview. Luckily he had practiced this while talking to a wall, because he was pretty much doing that now.
"Yes. My hair. It's so much more in style than yours. In addition, I'm older and more mature than you, which makes me more appealing to a more general audience. And that's just for starters!" He looks at Trulie who is now doing choreography for the Boat Hair Dance in her chair. He snaps his fingers and she looks at him with a glare. "Do continue." She says, crossing her arms and legs in order to keep from dancing in her chair again. Totalie mirrors her body language, as he was taught to do by his Interview Coach, and continues.
"I'm well tuned in to comedy and comedic dilemmas. I have also felt the feelings of loss, sorrow, hate, love, and greed..." "What does that have to do with anything?" Trulie interrupts. Totalie answers proudly. "It covers your performance art stuff. I'm showing I have a human side to work with, and can be vulnerable." He had practiced that answer too, although he meant to say "work" instead of "stuff". He worries she will focus in on the word "stuff" and derail the interview, so he quickly starts again.
"I am up to date with the latest in comedy and performance art WORK technologies and formulas, and I can dance like a tree in a hurricane." He demonstrates, and Trulie is enthralled. She joins him in his movement and soon they are asked to leave by the Assistant Manger of the cafe.
Now outside of the cafe, the interview continues. "I can shoot pool ambidextrously. I can write poetry that can make you laugh, cry, think, feel..." Trulie stops him. "No I've read your Tevin Skyward poetry bits and it seems to me they are deliberately awful." Trulie shivers at the thought of hearing another of his poems, and also because they are now outside and it is very cold. "Hurry up and finish this interview, it is very cold." Trulie says, shoving her hands into her coat pockets.
Totalie pulls himself up into a victory pose for fifteen seconds then puts his hands on his hips. "I have an outstanding work ethic. Have never misused nature, and I know what a stage is now."
Trulie looks at Totalie thoughtfully. "You know, The Totalie Scrumptious Show" does have a ring to it, and I have been meaning to make a go at the get-rich-at-sloth-speed career choice of creating words of wisdom for the entire world to read on certain days." "Greeting cards?" Totalie asks to clarify. "Yes greeting cards. Thank you for clarifying that." Trulie smiles.
"Totalie. I've been thinking about it and everything you said makes sense. Good job preparing for the interview. You start next week." Trulie says, and walks away from the stunned Totalie who calls after her "You mean, I got the job!?" Trulie spins on her heal and starts walking backwards "That's what I said, but it's also National Backwards Day so lliw uoy tahw ti htiw od" and with that she attempts to whistle backwards as she disappears around the corner of a building.
Totalie is crushed but, also very cold, so he starts walking toward the direction of Trulie, knowing that if he just waited...eventually she would trip and fall and would need help.
But being that it was National Backwards Day, he wouldn't help her. So at least he had that.
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