Today Is The Day. Maybe.

Today is the day. The day I finally get into the shower. I know I can do it. I’ve done it before, it’s just been a few days. A few days should cover it. I think that I’ve lost count because some days I didn’t feel like counting. It could be that the days have always run together. Like a pack of wolves I was busy evading to preserve my life. Really, it’s because I had a calendar before, and now I don’t. It would be funny if someone still made calendars now. Twelve different photos of kittens in cute situations that you can use to keep track of your busy schedule while waiting to die.

Maybe I could be a calendar maker and people would trade something with me just for the laugh. Meh. People barely did that when comedy clubs and money existed, why would they do that now? The important thing is, today is the day I make it to the shower. I just have to get this big heavy rock off of my chest.

I know it seems weird that I’m writing with a big heavy rock on my chest, but writing and doodling helps to distract me from the fact that I can hardly breath under the weight of this stupid rock. I just woke up one day and there it was. It makes me feel sad and helpless, angry and hopeless, pathetic and worthless. I can see all of these things I want and need to do, like showering, and I can’t do them because of this horrible rock.

Recently, someone offered to help me remove the rock but they couldn’t do it. They got really impatient with me, told me that maybe I wanted to be under the rock and that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself get out from under it. I got what they were saying but, I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it, so they left.  To me it’s pretty harsh that they got mad at me for something they failed to do while unencumbered by a rock. If they can’t move it while being upright and full of energy, how can I move it when I am on the ground with all of my willpower seeping out of me?

Showered is what I want to be right now. Yesterday I was at an all time low and I decided to give up but now I am feeling enough energy to write all of this, and a few other things, and look!  I drew a rock on the rock isn’t that funny? My thoughts are swirling I am just a fount of creativity and this rock is so light now...look I can pick it up with one hand! Why couldn’t I do this before? This is so easy! I should be a calendar maker for sure! I’m going to bring back calendars. I need to get over to that shower, but now that I am out from under that rock, there are so many things to do, I’m sure I will get to the showering I just have to organize this dust alphabetically and see if someone will trade something for a drum. I really need one right now, I think that’s the answer to all of my problems. Rhythm. I need rhythm. I don’t think I need this food here, someone is bound to trade for food. I should have a party! I just need some friends. Where did I put that pretty rock? That rock was definitely my friend.

This feels like a whole new way of being and I’m going to start by jumping over the gully to get to the shower. Then I’m going to shower and then I’m going to start my career as a drummer and calendar maker. This is going to be so great. Nothing can go wrong. I’m unstoppable.