Curiosity-The Other Side of The Street

Everyone in Curio was named Jones but Jones liked to think of herself as more of a Joanna. Curio was a town stuck in time. The younger generations would try to pull it out, but the town stuck fast as the younger grew older and the cycle continued.

Joanna was sitting at a cafe table outside of the coffee shop. It was the only one in town and admittedly their best drink was hot tea. She was half enjoying a disappointing latte when she heard a POP and felt the atmosphere around her move in a nauseating way. The sensation began to fade. Joanna stood up, feeling a bit dizzy, and looked around to see what it could have been. The streets were silent. Curio was a quiet town, but not this quiet. Puzzled, she sat back down to finish her latte.

Mid-sip she saw a man turn a corner and saunter down the street. He stopped in front of the old store called Curio City. (Everything in Curio had Curio in the name.) He looked around as if he was about to rob the place and went in. Joanna finished her latte but decided to wait to see if this person would come running out of the shop with the shopkeeper hot on his heals yelling "Thief!!! Thief!!!" This town could use a little excitement and a better coffee shop.

After about five minutes Joanna decided nothing illegal was about to happen and stood up to leave. She tossed her cup in the bin,  just as the man stepped out of the store with a package in his hand. It was neatly wrapped in brown paper and string. She wondered who he had bought the present for. "Definitely someone named Jones." She thought. She laughed at her own joke and the man across the street looked up and locked eyes with her. She started to smile a friendly smile but the look on the man's face was strange. She looked away quickly, gathered her purse and walked quickly down the sidewalk away from him. 

Curiosity

Jones walked along the street he had been walking along all his life. Main street; every town has one. The artery of the town. A place where all life could get their sustenance, both physical and mental. Jones often liked to stop into the local grocery and get unique food items. The place always had something new to try. He was quite the adventurous type. In fact, today he was headed there when a shop caught his attention.

It was named “Curio City.” He was sure he had never seen it before. The sign above the entrance was old weathered wood. The kind that looked like it had never been properly treated and seen one thousand storms. Below the store name on the sign was “est. 1403” etched in and filled with black paint.

“Cute,” he thought. They certainly couldn’t have been around that long as he would have remembered the little shop from his many walks down this street. They must have added that little detail to give the right ambiance. He really appreciated when places went the extra mile to bring the right feel. He figured he could forgo his grocery shopping for a little bit to check out this shop. So he diverted his path and walked up to the door.

It required quite a bit of his effort to pull the door open, but with a little jolt he was able to get it moving. Once the initial pull was complete the door flowed open like it was resting on a cloud. And with that cloud came a wall of musty air that slammed into Jones’ senses. He stepped through the portal and all at once he felt like he was standing in the Galley of an old ship. He could almost feel the floor gently moving to water that he was sure didn’t exist.

“Ah, I see you have finally arrived.” A voice drifted from the back of the shop. Jones’ eyes started to adjust to the lower light and he could start to make out his surroundings. The place was carved wood from ceiling to floor. Shelves lined every wall with objects perfectly spaced from each other. An old man came out from behind a cloth curtain, which Jones had just noticed.

“This is a very interesting shop, when did you move in?” Jones inquired.

“I guess it depends on what you mean by ‘move in’.” The old man replied.

“How long have you been in business?” Jones clarified.

“Ah, since 1403. We’ve been here for ages.”

“I bet you have.” Jones said knowingly. This old man was really selling the experience. “Is there anything in particular you suggest?”

“Oh, I don’t suggest stuff,” the old man said knowingly. “I have here exactly what you need.” With that he held up an old package, meticulously wrapped.

“I bet you do.” Jones replied. “How much will I owe for this mysterious item?”

“Nothing, this is your item. The only rule is you must not open it for three years.”

“Three years? Why would I hold on to this for three years?”

“I suppose you don’t have to,” the old man said thinking to himself, “but you will. On this very day three years from now is when you will open the package.”

Tired of the weird and cryptic old man, Jones took the package and was rushed to the door by the old man. Once outside turned around to tell the old man he didn’t appreciate the cryptic package and his demeanor, he found himself staring at a brick wall.

“Three years… heh…” and with that he walked off to the grocery with the package held loosely in his hand.

Fields

It’s days like this, she thought, I wish I was alone. She sat cross-legged in the grass plucking up one blade at a time and inspecting them intently. Each one seemed to have a completely unique look and feel up close, but from a distance they all seemed the same. Her hair, a flat umber with some sun infused gold strode down to her mid-back, but she kept it in a tight ponytail on days like this. She had a tiny nose that she was very proud of. And although most people wouldn’t be absolutely sure, her left ear was one tenth of a centimeter lower than her right. She’d measured it countless times. She had eyes that were a whirlwind of olive and ash with a slight mix of coffee dipped in. She wasn’t terribly fond of her lips; she felt the lower one didn’t stick out quite far enough, and the top one too thin.

With each blade she would think of a new dream that she wanted for her life. She would rub the blade between her forefinger and thumb, feeling the slightly scratchy side on one and the smooth part on the other. With each dream done, she would close her eyes and bring the blade to her lips, kiss it, and then blow it off into the sunlight. Countless dreams were released this way. To her it was the only way to live any of them.

It had been a long night, she thought, as the sun warmed her face and arms. One of the longest she had experienced in a while. Her name, Mariella, felt like someone else’s now. For all one knows she had stolen it last night from an unsuspecting person she crossed paths with? The events that took place were quickly becoming enclosed in the dense haze of her memory, much like to grasp at the last fading parts of a vivid dream as wakefulness cleanses ones mental pallet. Nothing felt real from then.

Mariella focused on the cold grass beneath her. It was a world of dreams for her to wish away. She closed her eyes and felt a light breeze touch her cheek and forehead. With it brought a delicate scent of far off water and fresh flowers. In the distance she could hear a dog searching for its master, or possibly mate. Her arms came up behind her and her hands interlocked behind her head. The wind slowly assisted her to the ground. She stayed lying there for hours. Things would eventually have to be done, but later. Later.

Clearing

I stood in the center of the clearing, deep in the forest. This was my place, a place where only the creatures of nature and I knew about. It lay a short walk from my back door through the woods. The trick was crossing the stream back there. There was a log you could cross, but it was hidden in a cove that was most likely created by beavers. To either side of the cavern was a branch and bramble wall, no way to forge over it. but if you looked real close you would find a small section of branches tied together with makeshift tree bark rope.

Once pulled aside you could crawl under the catch weed into a small space with the large timber to cross over the water. The space here was not mine, and I knew it. It was modified so I could pass, but there was always a sense of eyes upon you. I never felt in danger, but I knew that I was only welcome as a passer by and not invited to stay for any length of time.

Beyond the crossing there were a few love paths well trodden in the forest floor. They seemed ancient and terribly unkempt. I had once spent some time trying to map them out, but quickly became bored with the prospect of where they led when I had found the clearing.

I had affectionately come to call it the glade. It was about forty paces in diameter and near perfectly round. The edges seemed to understand that they needed to maintain the circle. The foliage was emerald green, not a section of earth could be seen, thick and lush. A short grass about ankle high grew all over. It was as if it had decided that it was at the perfect height and stopped.

The trees encircling the space almost formed a perfect privacy fence. From everywhere outside of the clearing one would have no idea it existed. It was as if nature herself decided that this place was to be kept hidden from most, I would say all, but I had been given the privilege of locating the space.

In the summer I could lay in the open space for hours and just think about the universe around me. It was quite an inspiring place to be. Light breezes would light over the trees and swoop down into the center and keep one at the perfect temperature, also creating a soothing sound, a music all it’s own, in your ears.

Sometimes a squirrel would play along the edge of the clearing searching for supplies for the upcoming winter, mostly they kept to themselves, but if I brought snacks with me, they were certainly happy to share. Sometimes they would dance along the edge of the green, a complex series of movements around each other, elegant and otherworldly I could watch their movements losing complete track of time. When the shade would hit the center of the patch I knew it was time to head home.

The Cat Man

Thump, thump, thump. A knocking erupted from the front door throughout the house. An old lady in her seventies waddled down the steps to her foyer and peeked through the peephole in the door. Through the viewing device she could only make out a large grin with stubble all around it. Oh no, she thought to herself, what could this man possibly want? She checked herself in the full-length mirror by the door it’s not proper to look shabby when greeting people she felt. Then she undid the main lock and opened the door.

A burst of breeze and sunlight bounced around the room. One might have felt a light happy musical tune off in the distance saunter in with the air and light and take a seat by the entry table. The tune whimsically observed the old lady and the man on the other side of the portal. He wore a loosely fitted brown plaid wool suit with a dirty well-worn fedora on his head. He had a touch of stubble on his face, as if it had been a day or two since his last shave. His eyes radiated a serene blue, which felt calming. He had a dark grey satchel draped over his shoulder.

“Hello there and what a lovely day it is. The sun is shining. The breeze is blowing. The clouds are playing in the sky. My name is Gerrod Fantingue,” his words came out in rapid-fire succession. The old lady was finding it hard to keep up; he seemed to notice this and slowed down just enough that she was still barely gripping on. “You’re probably wondering what I’m doing on your doorstep today? I bet, you’re thinking to yourself, what could this somewhat shabby, yet debonair man be wanting with me. Well there are so many reasons I could be here, it’s near unfathomable. But the real reason is I’m here to sell you a used cat or two! It’s a pleasure to meet you, miss?”

She stood there, mouth agape. Mr. Fantigue looked around the foyer, and then decided it might be better to inspect his fingernails. After a length of time she finally seemed to catch up to the current point in the conversation.

“Ruth,” she said cautiously, “Did I hear you correctly? A used cat?”

“Ah Ruth, a truly wonderful name. I once had a grandmother named Ruth. Can’t go wrong with a name like that. And yes you did. As I was passing by, I noticed a distinct lack of creatures of the feline persuasion about your property and figured that we ought to rectify this toot sweet.”

Ruth wasn’t sure how to respond to this. The only thing that came to mind was that this man wanted something more than what he was letting on to. She decided caution would be the best policy. “Um. I don’t need any cats. As you can see, I’m old and fragile, I wouldn’t be able to take care of them.”

“Ruth, Ruth, Ruth. Do I look like I would be so insensitive? No, no, no. Like I said these are used cats, they can take care of themselves. I think I know the perfect one for you in fact.” He turned his back on her took off his satchel and started digging around in it. “Now, I know he was in here somewhere, I just saw him the other day… Oh where are you. Fred? Fred! There you are.” He turned back around and in the palm of his hand sat a very old looking miniature cat.

“I wouldn’t know what to do with that.” Ruth said to the man.

“Course you wouldn’t! You’ve probably never received a used cat before. It’s simple, just put him in the sink and run water over him, in no time he will be up to the right size. He knows how big he’s supposed to be.” The cat looked up at Ruth and smiled. “And look he already likes you.”

“I don’t think I can afford a fancy cat like that.”

“Afford? Afford! No Ruth, there’s no charge for used cats. They’re used. Already been paid for once. No need to pay again. This guy, Fred, be sure to get his name right, they get ever so testy if you don’t, is yours.” He handed the cat over to her. Before she had time to say anything back he was already walking away from her house.

“Wait!” She called after him. “I can’t take this cat!”

He just smiled and waved over his shoulder. The tune got up off the chair by the entrance and laughed heartily and spun out into the sunny day. Ruth took the cat into the house and closed the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and put Fred into the sink.

“Well now Fred, lets see if we can’t get you up to size.” She said as she turned on the faucet.

This is Trulie and I've Been Thinking

  The Trulie Awesome Show is five years old this year and to celebrate, Totalie and I have been planning a party/show for August. We hope to have our friends entertain you and to create a birthday party atmosphere. I personally hope we have an area dedicated to throwing pies at Totalie's face. 

   While I work on convincing Totalie that the pies are a great idea, we are also preparing for my first gallery show at Blockfort!  This is one of my serious pieces and will be on view from March 7th-9th. I began with the concept of a paper chain link per every day of my life leading up to the show, and it is now a 30 minute piece exploring time and the constant internal and physical struggles I face. 

   In and around these two projects, we have a few small shows on the calendar and we are writing new comedy for shows that don't even exist yet. A twinkle in the eye, so to speak. It takes a lot of planning and organization to do a large event, but even the small shows take weeks of preparation. I love all of it.

   This week, I have a show on Friday and it is only one number. Usually my songs are under 4 minutes but every second has hours of thought put into them.  I've been obsessing over this dance and the costume all for it to be over in 4 minutes 45 seconds. 

   The month long projects are important to me, but the short bursts of extreme effort for a one and done show, are so satisfying. In the long run, big projects are still done in a night and then put back on the shelf, so maybe I appreciate the small shows for their mercifully short rehearsal periods and less stuff to put away.  

   The small shows are usually variety shows and that's where I started as Trulie. I created the character in 2012 and debuted my first paper costume at a Stupid Cupid event at Feverhead. So take note: Trulie's  birthday is Valentines Day. That date matches her color scheme too, so it worked out perfectly. 

   Having started out in small variety shows as just one person building paper costumes for myself and then moving on to over-the-top shows with lots of performers in them,  I also appreciate the intimacy of small venues and shows. I have so many great memories of getting ready for a show in the backroom of a bar with 8 other performers (and all of our suitcases) and performing on a tiny makeshift stage to a room of 10 locals who have never seen anything like what we do...it's home really.  It's "the life" 

  I'm so lucky to be able to constantly spend time working on projects for The Trulie Awesome Show. The last seven years as Trulie and the last five with Totalie Awesome as the Trulie Awesome Show, have given me more confidence and a sharper vision for my future than not doing those things would have given me. 

   I'm not very good with mushy feelings but those are my thoughts.

XOXO
Trulie

Plum Pudding Day

What is a Plum Pudding? A question I felt I would never ask myself at any point in my life up to this point. It’s sort of one of those things that people just take for granted. You hear about them in stories, but you very seldom see them in real life; At least I never have. In fact, I racked my memories in search of a plum pudding related recollection. Sadly, none came to mind.

I found I had many memories of plums. Summer days on a hill in the park with a friend on a blanket. We were staring at the clouds with a bag of plums next to us. Just eating them and throwing the pits down the hill (in the direction opposite of where we had come from). The wind was gentile and light, bringing scents of charcoal burning for a family’s weekend barbecue in the park. The clouds that day were more than willing attendants to our shape naming needs that day. We pictured dragons, knights, castles, and fairies in the forms above us.

Puddings! Now those I have many more memories of. I’m quite the fan of puddings. My favorite is tapioca, followed closely by banana. Perhaps I should mix the two? Nah, I should get two helpings, one of each and have both! So many soccer games with pudding and juice boxes after. Birthdays, family gatherings, and of course pudding Tuesdays, which I observe every day. One can never be to careful, wouldn’t want my calendar to be off and accidentally miss a pudding day.

Back to plum pudding. In my mind it would be a glorious pudding much like a banana pudding, but plum flavored. Turns out I was very wrong. It seems to be a more bread like substance. It could even be some sort of alien egg. Who knows? No one, because I’m sure no one eats them. They are scary looking. Why don’t we just forget about plum pudding day, and have tapioca and banana pudding day? Works for me, if it works for you.

Um...Brellas.

I absolutely love candy canes but this post is supposed to be about umbrellas
which sometimes have candy cane shaped handles, so I suppose that's why I would like to have a candy cane right now, instead of writing about umbrellas.

Umbrellas are very useful.

Candy canes are also useful because they freshen your breath and give you a small sugar rush and can be used in self defense. They hang perfectly on the side of a mug of hot chocolate, so you can have a peppermint hot chocolate. So fancy. Also they are just pretty. The small candy canes are preferable.

Small umbrellas are more parasols than umbrellas. Both can block the sun but the umbrella is better suited to keep the rain off of you. One time I used an umbrella to make a newspaper parasol and it's a neat prop, except I can't close it, because it's paper mâché.

Sometimes, because of the way I have to store it, the parasol pokes me in the eye. I think the eye poking, and the potential for water flying everywhere, are the reasons people say that opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck.

This isn't bad luck though, because it's a parasol and it was never closed in the first place. See, the superstition says "opening" an umbrella is bad luck. But if it's already open when you come into the house, then it's okay. Also lucky for the homeowner because they have a big front door that an umbrella baring person can fit through easily.

Opening candy canes is difficult. When I get it right, I feel like the master of candy cane opening. But get it wrong, and the candy cane becomes a crumbly mess all over the floor and I have to kick the crumbs under things so no one can see that I am not the master of candy cane opening.

The newspaper parasol is about to become a crumbly mess if it keeps poking me in the eye.

Peppermint is also a soothing flavor. Which is useful when you're mad at a parasol.

Umbrellas are actually a very selfish thing. Which is great. They never really fit two people comfortably and they give you a lot of personal space. Not unlike the poncho. People who wear ponchos are weird, and people tend to avoid them. Which is why I have three.

One time, when I was wearing a poncho, Totalie took his poncho off and threw it behind him, and the poncho hit me in the eye, and I had to see an eye doctor which was difficult because of vision loss. I ruined that pun on purpose.

What is it with things poking me in the eye!?

So anyway the lesson of that story is, Totalie was wearing a poncho, and is a weirdo so, I should have been standing further away from him.

Um...if it isn't already clear to you, the cool person reading this, I didn't prepare for my blog post this week, and I'm just sitting here looking at my mason jar full of small candy canes and trying to come up with some story involving umbrellas.

Kite Flying

                                 /\
                               /    \
                              | Kite |
                               \    /
                                 \/
                                 /
                            flying
                              is
                            best
                           when
                          winds
                     support
                    them
                      much
                    like
                   our
              dreams,
      friendships,
    and
family.

Tea Time Interview with Totalie.

Totalie sits at a table watching his tea steep at a cafe table conveniently located in a cafe.  He has a crossword puzzle in his lap, as well as some bagel crumbs.  Trulie enters the cafe and makes a bee line for Totalie's table. She then walks over and lays the line of paper cut bees out onto the table. "I made a bee line for your table." she said, really making sure no one missed the pun. Totalie mumbled something about cafe tables being too small for decorations as Trulie stole a chair from another table, and dragged it loudly over to sit with Totalie.

Totalie goes back to his tea and Trulie sits staring at him in silence for what seemed like three seconds. She breaks the silence. "So how's your day going?" Totalie responds without looking away from his now-over-steeped mug of tea. "Well! It's going well. Except this crossword puzzle is giving me a hard time." He picks up the crossword puzzle dumping a dusting of bagel crumbs onto the floor. Trulie takes it from him. "Dude, why are you staring at your tea?" She picks up the pen and starts writing her answers into the crossword puzzle.

"No reason." Totalie says and decides it is now a good time to look up at Trulie. He frowns because he knows she's just writing words that fit into the puzzle and not the actual answers. Trulie finishes and puts the crossword puzzle and pen down. "I don't believe you." She says. Totalie's eyes shift left to right. "What...what do you mean?" he asks with an awkward laugh. Trulie sighs. "This is an odd situation. You sent your resume to The Trulie Awesome Show for a position that isn't even open!"

Totalie relaxes a little now that the conversation has started. He never did well with conversation starters. "You're upset because I sent my resume to the person who currently holds the position I want, right?" He chuckles and picks up his tea.

Trulie leans forward, "Tell me Totalie, what makes you think you are qualified for my position at The Trulie Awesome Show?" She leans back knowing he is not qualified, mainly because, his name is not Trulie.

Totalie sips his tea and immediately gets up and puts the mug in the "Return Plates and Mugs" here bin. He comes back to his seat. Trulie has turned the crossword puzzle into a boat, and is twirling it around on her finger. Totalie starts the interview. "Well since you're going right into the interview, thank you by the way for having me here to interview, it's a great opportunity and I appreciate your time, okay let's start with my hair."

Trulie places the boat onto one of the green points he calls hair. "Your hair is cooler than mine. I agree" Trulie sits back and starts to think about a dance number involving boat hair. Totalie continues with his very practiced interview. Luckily he had practiced this while talking to a wall, because he was pretty much doing that now.

"Yes. My hair. It's so much more in style than yours. In addition, I'm older and more mature than you, which makes me more appealing to a more general audience. And that's just for starters!" He looks at Trulie who is now doing choreography for the Boat Hair Dance in her chair. He snaps his fingers and she looks at him with a glare. "Do continue." She says, crossing her arms and legs in order to keep from dancing in her chair again. Totalie mirrors her body language, as he was taught to do by his Interview Coach, and continues.

"I'm well tuned in to comedy and comedic dilemmas. I have also felt the feelings of loss, sorrow, hate, love, and greed..." "What does that have to do with anything?" Trulie interrupts. Totalie answers proudly. "It covers your performance art stuff. I'm showing I have a human side to work with, and can be vulnerable." He had practiced that answer too, although he meant to say "work" instead of "stuff". He worries she will focus in on the word "stuff" and derail the interview, so he quickly starts again.

"I am up to date with the latest in comedy and performance art WORK technologies and formulas, and I can dance like a tree in a hurricane." He demonstrates, and Trulie is enthralled. She joins him in his movement and soon they are asked to leave by the Assistant Manger of the cafe.

Now outside of the cafe, the interview continues. "I can shoot pool ambidextrously. I can write poetry that can make you laugh, cry, think, feel..." Trulie stops him. "No I've read your Tevin Skyward poetry bits and it seems to me they are deliberately awful." Trulie shivers at the thought of hearing another of his poems, and also because they are now outside and it is very cold. "Hurry up and finish this interview, it is very cold." Trulie says, shoving her hands into her coat pockets.

Totalie pulls himself up into a victory pose for fifteen seconds then puts his hands on his hips. "I have an outstanding work ethic. Have never misused nature, and I know what a stage is now."

Trulie looks at Totalie thoughtfully. "You know, The Totalie Scrumptious Show" does have a ring to it, and I have been meaning to make a go at the get-rich-at-sloth-speed career choice of creating words of wisdom for the entire world to read on certain days." "Greeting cards?" Totalie asks to clarify. "Yes greeting cards. Thank you for clarifying that." Trulie smiles.

"Totalie. I've been thinking about it and everything you said makes sense. Good job preparing for the interview. You start next week." Trulie says, and walks away from the stunned Totalie who calls after her "You mean, I got the job!?" Trulie spins on her heal and starts walking backwards "That's what I said, but it's also National Backwards Day so lliw uoy tahw ti htiw od" and with that she attempts to whistle backwards as she disappears around the corner of a building.

Totalie is crushed but, also very cold, so he starts walking toward the direction of Trulie,  knowing that if he just waited...eventually she would trip and fall and would need help.

But being that it was National Backwards Day, he wouldn't help her. So at least he had that.

Pancakes!

Totalie was standing on the doorstep to Trulie’s house. He had been waiting all week for this day ever since he received the very intricate and gilded invitation. He knocked twice and then waited.

He could hear a loud bustling coming from the other side of the door. Metallic sounds rhythmically taping out with the occasional sproing sound here and there. The noise sounded like it was getting louder and louder, as well as much more intense. As the sound escalated Totalie could feel the porch stoop starting to shake a little. Perhaps there was an earthquake in motion? But as suddenly as it had started, all the noise ended very abruptly and a single voice floated out after the break in sound, “Oh quackers…”

Totalie reassured himself and went to knock on the door as it suddenly opened to Trulie holding a squishy parrot in a doctors outfit.

“I’m sorry doctor Quackers, your sound just isn’t fitting in with the pots and pans band I’m putting together. I understand you’re the strong and silent type, but this band is all about making an auditory experience.” With that Trulie set doctor Quackers on the stoop and was about to close the door.

“Trulie,” Totalie said getting her attention, “I’m here.”

“Yes you are, and I’m here. How may I help you?”

Totalie held up the invitation, and said simply, “Waffles!” He was beaming ear to ear.

“Ah yes, you’re here for pancake day.” Trulie said knowingly. “I’m afraid we aren’t done using the pots, pans, and bowls for the band, so you’ll have to come back some other time.”

“Wait… you just said pancakes…” Totalie started.

“No, I said that a while ago, I just said, come back some other time.”

“But the invitation said waffles?”

“Is that how you spell waffles? I figured you wouldn’t leave your house for anything less.” She looked at him, “I think my points are proved.”

“But what about the waffles?”

“Silly it’s national blueberry pancake day, you shouldn’t be talking about waffles.” And with that she closed the door.

“Does this mean there are no waffles today?” Totalie turned and said to doctor Quackers. The doctor just stood there in silence. “You’re right! we can just go get waffles together.” With that Totalie picked up doctor Quackers and they went off to the closest waffle diner and ate until their bellies were full. Doctor Quackers picked up the bill.

The Bug. (A work of fiction written by Trulie at a much younger age)

   My house is in the middle of the city. That's not a figurative statement. Some people say, "My house is in the middle of nowhere." but that's all figurative because there isn't a nowhere because if there were it would be somewhere.

   No, my house really is in the exact middle of the city. Which some people may consider to be amazingly exciting, but they would be wrong. After all, this city is the size of my bathroom window on the map of our state. It's not big. It's more like a sliver of glass made to give the illusion that you could possibly breath if the bathtub overflowed until you floated about the room like a fish.

   We've lived in this house since I was six and my brother was three. My dog was two. Which is fourteen in dog years because you multiply the human year by seven.

   I remember moving day. It was this very day. Well, this very date anyway. It was actually on a Thursday because it was three years ago plus one leap year.  My mom woke me up at seven in the morning so I could pack up the little tent I had been sleeping in, but before we left, I made sure I had all of my secret belongings from under the loose floor board in my closet. It was very important, because things that are secret are very important. Things like my favorite gum, my locust shell collection, and the cats-eye marble I found on the playground. I put the box of treasures in my backpack and headed to this very house.

   The ride seemed like forever. It couldn't have been forever though because I would still be driving instead of telling you this story and I wasn't driving. My dad was. I don't think I will be able to drive until I can use all of those words my dad uses without getting into trouble for it.

   We arrived here and I wasn't very impressed.  My room was going to be in the back of the house but now it is in the attic because there wasn't enough room for all of my Nancy Drew books. My brother lives in the back room not but  I think my brother should sleep in the basement and my dog should get my old room because, after all,  he is older.

   At first, it was fun exploring all of the different places in the house, but that got old after a day. There's one place I have yet to explore though. There's a neat room that's supposed to be used for storage that my mom and dad said was their "private space." I've always wanted to go in and see what was in there, it's not allowed though, and I still don't understand why.

   Just the other day I found a way into the room. There was a huge bug. The size of both of my hands I swear. It had long fangs and icky legs. It was trying to find food to take back to its home. I watched it for awhile even though I was supposed to be eating my oatmeal. I hate oatmeal.

   The bug must've gotten what it wanted because it started to run back to its home. So I followed it. It took a lot of unnecessary trips through the couch and chairs, the bathroom, and the computer room. Finally it stopped at the entrance of the room and slid under the door.  Naturally I went back downstairs to finish my icky oatmeal like the good kid I am, but I kept thinking of that bug. Why should that bug get to see the secret room and not me? I decided that it was an injustice to be fought.

   I put on my super detective costume and grabbed my handy dandy notebook, and I set out for the forbidden room. I came to the door and placed my ear on it. No sounds. I tried the handle and the door was locked but I had found an item that could help me unlock this mystery! A key! A skeleton key to be exact. I found it in the attic and it opens any door.

    I put the key in the lock and turned it. The door opened smoothly. It was so exciting but it was so dark. Not dark like when you sleep, but so dark you can't even see the glow in the dark strips on your sneakers.

   I started to feel around for a light switch to no avail. I was quite disappointed when suddenly I had an idea. There was something I had seen on TV that I thought just might work.  I stood in the doorway, on the threshold of discovering the last secret of this house. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and clapped my hands really loud two times.

   I opened my eyes to the light and...

   Two hands grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me out of the room before I could see anything. It was my mom. I tried to explain to her, you know, about the bug and everything, but she didn't buy it. That's why I am in my room now and not allowed out until dinner.

  It's not easy being the greatest super detective in the universe.

Squirrels!

Knock, knock, knock… the firm knuckles on the door rang out. Awesome was just sitting on his couch watching a new episode of “The Adventures of Pug Dog Millionaire,” his favorite show. He paused it and walked over to the door. Looking through the peephole all he could see was pink. He knew things were about to get interesting. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Hi Totalie!” it was like a blast of sunshine and summer air pushed through the door into the solitude of the living room. Totalie wasn’t sure but he also could have sworn something else scurried past him in the blast of outside air. Lot’s of somethings in fact. He was terrified to turn around to the scratching sounds he heard behind him.

“Hi Trulie, what are you up to?” He studied her smile.

“Oh nothing, just wanted to drop by and show you the thing I got myself at the pet store!” She was positively ecstatic. Totalie had also just noticed that Trulie was wearing her pocket coat. A coat she specifically designed with loads of pockets to hold anything and everything. Strangely most of the pockets seemed empty.

“Trulie, why does you coat look so empty?”

“Empty? We might need to get you glasses,” she said looking herself up and down,  “I’m standing right inside of it.”

“No, I mean, usually your pockets are filled with baubles and trinkets.”

She looked at him sideways, “I think you mean googly eyes and candy. But today I needed the space. The pet store was having a special!”

Somewhere in the back of Totalie’s head there was a part of him putting the puzzle together, but none of the pieces matched, and it seems someone took three or four of them to steady a table in another part of his mind.

“Don’t you want to see what I got?” Trulie inquired.

“How could I say no?”

“No.” Trulie said thoughtfully.

“It’s an expression”

“A smile is an expression, silly.” She then pulled her left hand out with a sock on it. Sewn to the top of the sock were two floppy sock ears. And crudely drawn in front was an Y. Two googly eyes askew above it. “I named him Sir Boppington.”

“Why?” Totalie asked, instantly regretting it as Trulie bonked him on the head with the sock puppet carefully avoiding his points. But the initial meeting wasn’t lost on him, he needed to turn around and see what was going on behind him as the sound of scratching had grown into a chorus of cacophony. His eyes met with 30 small eyes directed back at him. Squirrels! fifteen of them running around his living room, climbing walls, sitting on his couch, eating his popcorn!

“Oh yeah,” Trulie said thoughtfully, “You had to adopt fifteen squirrels if you wanted to get a sock puppet. Soooooo, say hello to your new roommates: Buster, Bowler, Bashy, Cadence, Clouster, Friendly, Scratchy, Goofball, Wildeyes, Normaleyes, Browneyes, Bigtail, Smalltail, and Blue.”

“Trulie! How could you?” Totalie exclaimed.

“It was actually quite easy…” Trulie started, but Totalie interjected.

“Wait, that was only fourteen names.”

“Well that one, she said pointed at no squirrel in particular, he has no name.” She finished the sentence ominously.

“Trulie, I can’t have squirrels!”

“Sure you can! Look, you already do!” With that she spun in a circle and started out the door. “Welp, I’ll be seeing you. Sir Boppington say’s good day sir!”

“But Trulie!” Totalie said to the closing door, but she was well out of ear shot. He turned back to the room.

“Okay, you guys can stay but only if you sit quietly while we watch ‘The Adventures of Pug Dog Millionaire’.” He felt like they might have understood him, and as he un-paused the  show they all sat on the couch with him and watched.

Sticking Stickers to Sticks

Stickers come into our lives for many reasons.

• They tell us if our school work is good
• They entice us to complete tasks 
• They diminish the value of furniture, mirrors, and books
• They let our cars tell people what we like and don't like
• They are handed to us as a marketing ploy

Whatever the reason, if a sticker has graced your life, Sunday was National Sticker Day, so you should have shown some appreciation on that day. Now, it is too late.

Hat Day

Hat day?

Hats,

Things to adorn one’s head,

Fashion statements,

Weather protectors,

Many exist,

Fedora, Stetson, Skimmer,

Chapeau, Bucket, Bonnet,

Flat cap, Sombrero, Topper,

Top, Stove Pipe, Lid,

All to adjust our feelings,

Adjust our view point,

Adjust the points of view upon us,

Unfortunately they cover our best points.

Puddle Day

Totalie was walking down the street with his earbuds in. Sounds thumping into his ear canals causing his body to move with a little extra panache. His stride fell into rhythm with the music, left, right, left, right, a quick shuffle and another right. The sun was shining through the crisp winter day. It wasn’t too cold though, a nice 45 degrees Fahrenheit. It was a very mild winter indeed. He was out on his daily constitutional, his new years resolution to get a little more exercise in his days. He had started lighter the week before but was stepping up the distance today, and what a beautiful day indeed.

Suddenly, water splashed up onto his pants and a few droplets made it as high as is cheek. It was stunningly cold to the touch. He yanked his earbuds out with a single swipe to the thin wires leading from them down to his phone. There was a brief pop in his ears at the buds dislodged themselves and went flying around his body tracing the motion of his moving hand.

“What the what?” He exclaimed to no-one in general.

“Hi Totalie!” a memorable voice drifted into his now vacant ears.

His head swiveled with a snakelike determination and locked in on his target. Trulie was in full rain gear. A pair of black galoshes sporting rainbow hearts, they were starting to separate at the heels, so a helping of colorful duct tape was supporting keeping them in once piece. A 1920’s stylish bathing suit with white lining. This was covered by a cheap semi-transparent plastic poncho with black smiley faces etched into it by a precarious sharpie. Topping it off, a pink umbrella embellished with small white bows, each with a long skinny ribbons emanating from them. Decorative beaded butterflies adorning the ribbons.

Trulie had a giant grin across her face. She was genuinely happy today.

“Um… Trulie?” Totalie questioned, “What are you…” before he could finish Trulie interjected.

“Isn’t it lovely! Such a beautiful day. Puddles everywhere!” She was bouncing from foot to foot making little splashes in the puddle she had used in a massive leap earlier, now mostly on Totalie’s pants.

“Today is one of those special days, isn’t it?” Totalie feeling like his walk of solitude had been concluded for good today.

“Why yes it is! Today is…” Trulie started.

“Jump in a puddle and get me soaked day?” Totalie finished.

“National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day.” Trulie finished without listening to Totalie.

Totalie stared at her for a moment. Unwaveringly she continued to hop in the now reduced pond. He shrugged.

“You know what Trulie?”

“No, what?”

“It’s probably better to not fight it.” With that he jumped up in the air and splashed water back at Trulie. She laughed. “This is fun, let’s go find Jack and splash him!”

“Yas!” Trulie exclaimed as they skipped away in their new search.

Monday Remover

On a day full of light, in a busy office building, on a Monday, Trulie is at her cubical working haphazardly on what appears to be a box made from induction unit parts. With the last hammer of a screw, she pushes her chair back and exhales a long held breath. She begins to giggle softly, then launches into a very well practiced evil laugh.

Three sharp green points rise up from behind Trulie's cubical wall.  "What's so funny?"

Startled, Trulie jumps and goes to cover her invention. "Uh...Comedy. Comedy is SO funny ha ha so funny." The green points come around the cubical wall and reveal Totalie Awesome, who sits on Trulie's desk and crosses his arms. "Your evil laugh is getting better. What's that you got there?" Trulie steps aside and reveals the fruits of her half hour labor. "It's a Monday Remover."

"Uh huh. I can see why you were laughing. That's pretty ridiculous." Totalie begins to inspect it. "Really? You think it's pretty?" Trulie's face beams with pride. "I spent about five minutes on the engineering and the rest was spent making it look ridiculous." Trulie grabs Totalie's hand away from a lever duct taped to the machine. "Don't touch that!" She lets go of his hand. Totalie laughs "Why?" Trulie pulls the lever while saying "I made it. I get to pull the lever."

A flash of blinding light and then...nothing.

Totalie, still shocked something happened when the lever was pulled, checks his hair points. "That was bright. What did you use to make that thing?" "Never mind that Totalie. We have a very bad problem. Look at this calendar." Trulie picks up her calendar with mermen on it, and shoves it into Totalie's hands. He examines the dates while Trulie picks up her Daily Inspirations tear away calendar and flips through it.

"Holy Hummus. Trulie. You've made..." "I've made every day a Monday." Trulie sits down as the realization hits her. Totalie drops the calendar and starts rubbing his temples. A coworker walks past Trulie's cubical. "Hey Totalie...got a case of the Mondays?" Totalie laughs half heartedly as the coworker continues on their way to the copy room. Totalie lunges at Trulie "What are we going to do!? I can't take the Monday quips, the Monday jokes, the Monday excuses, everyday! EVERYDAY!?"

Totalie starts to mimic his coworkers. "'Happy Monday. How was your weekend. Too bad it's Monday. Well it's Monday. That's Monday for you. CASE OF THE MONDAYS..."
"TOTALIE! Calm down!" Trulie says as she grabs him by the biceps and shakes him. She stands him up and keeps shaking him.

"Please stop." Totalie says shakily. "Are you calm?" Trulie asks as she keeps shaking him. "Yes I am calm" "Okay I am going to stop shaking you and let go, and when I do...you promise not to freak out?" She eyes him as best she can as she continues to violently shake him. "Yes. I promise to not freak out." Totalie says, starting to see stars. "Okay." Trulie lets go and Totalie takes a moment to settle himself.

"So what are we going to do." Totalie asks calmly. "Dang it Totalie! You're supposed to start freaking out again.  Don't you ever watch movies?" "I prefer British sitcoms." he replies, picking up the calendar he dropped and tossing it onto Trulie's desk.

Trulie sighs. "I have no idea what we can do. I could pull the lever again, but there's a chance it will split into even more Mondays. Hmmm..." Trulie begins to pace back and forth in a very rehearsed cartoon-like manner. Totalie watches intently until he realizes she is just pacing back and forth because she has seen it in cartoons and rehearsed it to look like she was thinking. "Trulie you're not even thinking." Trulie stops. "Darn it. I guess I need to rehearse that more. Do you have any ideas?"

"Me?" Totalie laughs. "I didn't even think your little contraption would work! I don't even know HOW it works. So why would you think I would have any suggestions." Trulie just stares at him. "It has a name you know. Monday Remover." She sighs. "The only time you don't seem to have suggestions is when we need them."

She continues. "I guess this is our new normal now. Everyday is Monday. Day names don't matter, just dates! Maybe it wont be so bad. People wont be able to blame Mondays for anything and the day itself will lose it's reputation and meaning." Trulie sits down and kicks up her feet, hands behind her head, satisfied with her answer.

Totalie stands and stretches. "Interesting. Well, back to work." He exits her cubical and returns to his.

A reminder pops up on Trulie's computer. She gasps "Monday Meetings!!???" Totalie peers over the cubical wall "What's wrong? We have meetings every Monday." The realization hits him and they both look at one another before screaming in terror in unison for 30 seconds.

"That was the best time we've done that" Totalie remarks, straightening his points. "Yeah we got the pitch to match in that way that creates overtones. Good job!" Trulie pats Totalie on his points and continues. "I can't live like this Totalie! I can't! I HATE MEETINGS. Especially MONDAY MEETINGS. I can't I can't!!! I'm sorry. I have to do this!!"

Before Totalie can respond, she pushes the lever. Another flash of light and then...nothing.

Trulie grabs her merman calendar, "YES!" she grabs her Daily Inspirations calendar "YES!!!" She laugh cries as she sinks back down into her seat. "You did it Trulie!" Totalie comes back into Trulie's cubical. "How did you do it?" He asks, examining the machine again.

"I pushed instead of pulled." Trulie responds. Regaining her composure. "It worked. It's all over." Another reminder pops up on Trulie's computer. "Crap! We're late for the meeting!!!" Trulie grabs Totalie's arm and rushes out of the cubical, dragging him behind her, and leaving the Monday Remover behind without a thought.

A shadow passes over the cubical, hovering over the Monday Remover. An unknown hand reaches out and careful picks it up, and then disappears.

The rest of the day seemed cursed somehow. The meeting ran over by thirty minutes. Someone burned popcorn in the microwave at lunch time. Toner was spilled on the carpet. The wifi went out for ten minutes...it was a very bad day. But of course... it was a Monday...

Today Is The Day. Maybe.

Today is the day. The day I finally get into the shower. I know I can do it. I’ve done it before, it’s just been a few days. A few days should cover it. I think that I’ve lost count because some days I didn’t feel like counting. It could be that the days have always run together. Like a pack of wolves I was busy evading to preserve my life. Really, it’s because I had a calendar before, and now I don’t. It would be funny if someone still made calendars now. Twelve different photos of kittens in cute situations that you can use to keep track of your busy schedule while waiting to die.

Maybe I could be a calendar maker and people would trade something with me just for the laugh. Meh. People barely did that when comedy clubs and money existed, why would they do that now? The important thing is, today is the day I make it to the shower. I just have to get this big heavy rock off of my chest.

I know it seems weird that I’m writing with a big heavy rock on my chest, but writing and doodling helps to distract me from the fact that I can hardly breath under the weight of this stupid rock. I just woke up one day and there it was. It makes me feel sad and helpless, angry and hopeless, pathetic and worthless. I can see all of these things I want and need to do, like showering, and I can’t do them because of this horrible rock.

Recently, someone offered to help me remove the rock but they couldn’t do it. They got really impatient with me, told me that maybe I wanted to be under the rock and that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself get out from under it. I got what they were saying but, I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it, so they left.  To me it’s pretty harsh that they got mad at me for something they failed to do while unencumbered by a rock. If they can’t move it while being upright and full of energy, how can I move it when I am on the ground with all of my willpower seeping out of me?

Showered is what I want to be right now. Yesterday I was at an all time low and I decided to give up but now I am feeling enough energy to write all of this, and a few other things, and look!  I drew a rock on the rock isn’t that funny? My thoughts are swirling I am just a fount of creativity and this rock is so light now...look I can pick it up with one hand! Why couldn’t I do this before? This is so easy! I should be a calendar maker for sure! I’m going to bring back calendars. I need to get over to that shower, but now that I am out from under that rock, there are so many things to do, I’m sure I will get to the showering I just have to organize this dust alphabetically and see if someone will trade something for a drum. I really need one right now, I think that’s the answer to all of my problems. Rhythm. I need rhythm. I don’t think I need this food here, someone is bound to trade for food. I should have a party! I just need some friends. Where did I put that pretty rock? That rock was definitely my friend.

This feels like a whole new way of being and I’m going to start by jumping over the gully to get to the shower. Then I’m going to shower and then I’m going to start my career as a drummer and calendar maker. This is going to be so great. Nothing can go wrong. I’m unstoppable.

New Years Day

“Let’s shift to warp speed helmsman Guy.” Commander Totalie stated with confidence.

Guy responded with a simple, “Eye-eye, Cap.”

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” Totalie asked back.

“Nothin’ Cap, just tellin’ yah”

“Okay, so long as we are clear.”

They sat in silence and stared at the screen in front of them. White dots moved slowly from the center and worked their way lazily to the edges. New dots would show up in the center and get added to the ever moving series of dots. It was mesmerizing. 

“Ahem…” a voice drifted in from Totalie’s right. “Ahem!” It repeated.

“Are you getting sick?” Totalie inquired, slowly turning his head to see the communications officer.

“No! but there seems to be something attacking us.” replied the officer.

“Attacking?” Totalie questioned excitedly.

“Well I wouldn’t so much say attacking, but more like pinging us.”

“Pinging? What does that even mean?”

“Sort of like a repeated tapping, against our bow, cap”

Totalie thought deeply about this, then he could hear it, faintly at first, a tap, pause, tap, pause tap… it continued, getting louder. This seemed vaguely familiar. It was digging at his subconscious.

It hit him!

A pebble, through his slightly open window. He rose from his bed and lightly rubbed where he had been kissed by the pebble.

“Are you awake yet?” a bubbly voice rose from outside. Totalie knew that voice, and knew it well. “Come on sleepyhead, don’t make me search for louder rocks!”

Totalie jumped to his feet, he knew if he didn’t the next thing coming through his window was going to be baseball sized. He wasn’t feeling up to dodging projectiles this early in the morning. ‘Weird’ he thought, ‘Is there a time I would feel like dodging projectiles?’

“I see your points! You are awake!” the voice had moved from bubbly to excited. “Totalie! It’s the new year! We have things to do!” She pulled an exclamation point with every sentence. it’s hard to imagine someone could keep that sort of enthusiasm, but if anyone was able to, Trulie was it.

Totalie opened the window beyond the inch or so it was open. ‘How did she get that pebble through that space?’ He thought to himself. A blast of winter air smacked him in the face, any bit of sleepiness that was hanging around hopped on a plane and booked it south. Totalie was awake!

“Haven’t you heard of a doorbell?” Totalie said down to Trulie’s smiling face.

“Yes, but you said not to ring it before noon. So I had to find a different way to get our day started.”

Totalie’s morning sleep plans defeated, he got dressed and met Trulie outside his front door. “Hop, hop, hop,” Trulie was hopping in a circle like a bunny.

“Trulie, what are you doing?” asked Totalie.

“I was hopping you’d ask…” Trulie started, but Totalie interjected quickly.

“Haven’t you already done enough puns today?”

“No! not at all. In fact, I’m behind already.”

“It’s the first of the year how can you already be behind?”

“Well I made this…” Trulie pulls a piece of paper from behind her with some lines scribbled on it and one very very thick line going diagonally across it.

“Graph?” Totalie tried to help.

“Chart.” Trulie stared at Totalie and smiled, “I sea you don’t have legs for this.”

Totalie crossed his arms and stared at Trulie, “Was that a nautical pun?” 

“I prefer boat joke.” Trulie responded.

“I can see this is going to be a long year.”

“Really? I thought they were all the same amount of time. Speaking of…”

“Trulie,” Totalie interjected, “Perhaps we should just get on with the day. I don’t see us making much progress on this porch.”

“Eye-Eye!”